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Thread: Help me in correcting the TOS of my business

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    F-GD's Avatar
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    Help me in correcting the TOS of my business

    I am just done with the order form of my business. But before I go for publishing, I want you guys to help me with the English

    Here are these:

    Terms &Conditions

    This agreement is between the Customer and Amiver Technologies, and no one else.

    • Customer (s) is responsible of paying at least 50% advance payment.
    • Customer (s) will be provided with a maximum of 30 days free upgradation according to the package (s). Upgradation does not include the whole redesign or work from the scratch (only minor changes will be handled free of cost). Major changes like redesign will be charged separately.
    • Completion period is 7-10 days, after that customer (s) may claim for a refund.


    Acknowledgement
    Signature below confirms that I, __________________________ clearly understand and accept the Terms & Conditions of Amiver Technologies and will abide by them and that the information provided above is, to the best of my knowledge is correct and in case of breach of any Term or providing false information, Amiver Technology reserves the right to terminate the agreement between us.

    • I agree that, I will pay the remaining amount after the completion of the work.
    • I will not ask for a refund once I approve the first draft presented by Amiver Technologies.

    and this sentence:

    Please use a separate sheet for additional information (if any) and get it signed by the customer.(it sounds unprofessional :s any alternatives for this sentence?

    Thank you in advance.

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    Will.Spencer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by F-GD View Post
    I am just done with the order form of my business. But before I go for publishing, I want you guys to help me with the English
    Legalese is not English. English is a human language; legalese is the language of lawyers.

    Quote Originally Posted by F-GD View Post
    Please use a separate sheet for additional information (if any) and get it signed by the customer.(it sounds unprofessional :s any alternatives for this sentence?
    Perhaps it would sound better as two sentences?
    "Please use a separate sheet for additional information. Each additional sheet must be signed individually."
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    F-GD (15 April, 2009)

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    Thank you Will, but I just need corrections in my English coz I know there are some mistakes but dont know what are those

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    I think you can change "Customer (s)" to just "Customer", if each customer will sign this agreement separately.

    "responsible of paying" would probably be better as "responsible for paying".

    I don't think "upgradation" is a word.

    It would be more professional if you changed "Major changes like redesign will be charged separately." to "Major changes like redesign will be quoted separately."

    "may claim for a refund" might sound better as "may file a refund claim."

    "and that the information provided above is, to the best of my knowledge is correct" -- one two many copies of the word "is" in that part of this run-on sentence.
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    thats awesome. Thank you man!

    Just one thing, which one is more professional/suitable:

    This agreement is between the Customer and Amiver Technologies, and no one else.

    or

    This agreement is between the Customer and Amiver Technologies, and no other party is liable under this agreement.

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    The second sounds more professional to me.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Will.Spencer View Post

    I don't think "upgradation" is a word.
    I know dictionary is not accepting the word and I thought the same but if you google it, you will find the word (noun).

    I also checked at dictionary.com and here are the results. But it sounds strange :s

    upgradation definition | Dictionary.com

    I have a sentence like:

    30 Days Free Upgradation. Want to change it.

    30 Days Free Upgrading
    30 Days Free Upgrade
    Free Upgrade (30 Days only)

    Help me out guys

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    "30 days free upgrades" or even better "free upgrades for 30 days."
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