Crap is obviously in the eye of the beholder.
I have to completely disagree with that character regarding "the most impressive business card he has ever seen--his own". I've received several cards like that over the years--mostly from designers--and I can assure you that from my perspective, those are the first ones that get lost or thrown away. If it does not fit in a Rolodex, a business card organizer or a wallet, it gets lost in the bottom of a drawer or thrown away. What else are you going to do with it?
There is nothing in his card but self-absorbed ego. It has a picture of him on the front and a pop-up image of him inside. What a bizarre and useless business card!
I agree with others here that a card needs to be high quality and should stand out with colors and good design, but what this guy has done with his card is an abomination. I would never take anyone seriously if they handed me a card like that.
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote." -- Benjamin Franklin