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Thread: Jokes :)

  1. #1

    Jokes :)

    Post some of the best jokes you've heard, i need to laugh
    No jokes that goes against the forum rules please, that includes racist jokes, or any other jokes that people might find offensive.
    Just be sencible

  2. #2

    Don't be on this flight

    "This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard Qantas flight 701 from Sydney to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.

    "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

    "If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.

    "If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.

    "That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"
    Sound Unsound is a music forum for Unsigned Artists, Dj's and Producers
    Others: PDA and Smartphone guide | What task will you do for cheap? | Crazy Links 4 Free

  3. #3
    Some of you think they have family problems, but listen to this guy's story:
    I married a widow whom I deeply loved. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson..

    Chinese speaking to a Chinese operator...
    Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

    Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
    Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
    Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
    Caller: I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
    Operator: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
    Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
    Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
    Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
    Operator: I'm Saw Lee.
    Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

    It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY
    has 365' days.

    Typical academic year for a student:

    1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313.

    2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.Days left 263.

    3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days left 141.

    4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.

    5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing
    properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.

    6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days. Days left 81.

    7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.

    8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.

    9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.

    10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days. 1 day left.

    11. That 1 day is your birthday.
    How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!!

    Balance = 0

    "Then how can a student pass ??"

  4. #4
    One More



    i) Students found copying will be shot on the spot.
    ii)Any student coming late after 10 minutes after the exam starts will be forced to join Al Qayda group.
    iii)AK-47's and Grenades are not allowed in the exam hall. Students may keep their daggers, Revolvers and pack of anthrax bombs only for self defense.
    Math Exam Time 3 hours Full Marks 100
    All questions are compulsory.

    1. Abdul was sent to jail for murder .He has 7 wives in his house.
    Abdul distributed money to his wives in such a proportion that the youngest and most recent wife receives maximum and oldest wife gets minimum, and each wife gets double of her former competitor. Abdul has 1700 Rupaye left in his house. Abdul's oldest wife needs atleast 25 rupaye per month. Find out the time when Abdul will have to break Jail to come out and earn money so that his wives do not starve.

    2. Karim is a Drug seller. Prices per gram of Marijuana, hasis, haroine and LHD s are 50, 60,70,80 Rupaye respectively. Karim offers a discount of Rupaye 20 for his buyers who buys more than 50 grams of drug. If Rahim , a buyer gets Rupaye 37 discount , find out the grams of LHD he bought.

    3. Imran tampers the ball thrice per over. He deforms the ball .02% of its original shape each time . Find the percentage deformation the ball due to tampering in a one day series against India in which Imran bowled 9.3 overs.

    4. Rauf has a Company named Al Allah Kidnapping & Murder Private Limited. He has to threat 10 people per day over Telephone. 40% of the people he threats are cinema stars in Mumbai, 30% are Businessman in Delhi, 20% are Cricket Players in Madras and 10% are shopkeepres in Calcutta . If ISD charges are rupaye 15, 25, 40, 50 per minute from Rauf's city Islamabad to Bombay, Delhi,Calcutta and Madras respectively and he gets a Telephone bill of 10,230 Rupaya in a month Find out The No of Cinema stars in Mumbai ,threatened in that particular month.

    5. A terrorist group has to provide one Ak AK 49,one Rocket Launcher, 50 Grenades and one pack of RDX to its Ron roots for training.One AK 47 costs 100$; One Ak 49 costs 150 $,A Bazuka rocket Launcher costs 250 $ , grenade is 3 $ each, a pack of Rdx Bomb attached with remote Control is 500 $.
    The terrorist group admits 2000 new people every year out of which 30 % are court-martialed. Find the amt of Foreign Money Pakistan Govt has to provide each year to run such a group.

    6. If stabilty of democratic Govt. in pakistan is given by the following equation X exp3 +X exp2 -16 = i, where the notations have their usual meaning; Find out x.

    7. Probaliblity of a Pakistani prime minister to be shot is 78 %.
    Probabilty of a Military general to be shot is 80% .
    Find the joint probability of a Prime minister to be shot who is also a Military general.

    8) Find out geometrically the area of Paktunistaan using PI Theorem with Osama BIn Ladens Correction (That is taking the value of PI = 786 instead of 3.14....), if Paktunistaan is taken as a heptagon.

    9) A 'GHAURI' missile tries to fly from Drass to Kargil which is not too far from Drass (say 100 miles) and is exactly to the East of Drass . The wind is blowing from the South and the speed of the wind is exactly equal to the speed of the airplane. (The speed of the airplane is measured with respect to the air!) The pilot decides to steer straight to Kargil all the time during the flight.
    Will the airplane ever reach Kargil ? What if the speed of the wind is k times the speed of the airplane, where k is a positive number (can be greater or less than 1)? Try to sketch the trajectory of the airplane (with respect to the ground, of course) in each of the three cases:
    k=1, k1 and k<1.

  5. #5

    Picking your punishment

    This bloke dies and is sent to Hell. The devil meets him and shows him doors to three rooms and says he must choose one of the rooms to spend eternity in.

    So the devil opens the first door. In the room there are people standing in cow manure up to their necks. The guy says "Nope, don't like that one, please show me the next room".

    The devil laughs and shows him the next room and this has people with cow manure up to their noses. Thinking he is really smart, the man says no again.

    Finally, the devil shows him the third and final room. This time there are people in there with cow manure up to their knees drinking cups of tea and eating cakes.

    Impressed, the guy says, "I'll choose this room". The devil says O.K. The guys is standing in there eating his cake and drinking his tea thinking, "Well, it could be worse", when the door opens. The devil pops his head around, and says "O.K. tea-break is over. Back on your heads!"
    Sound Unsound is a music forum for Unsigned Artists, Dj's and Producers
    Others: PDA and Smartphone guide | What task will you do for cheap? | Crazy Links 4 Free

  6. #6

    Fast Oldie!!

    A little old man from Georgia had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pool at the back of the house. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice picnic chairs and tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and orange trees.

    One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-litre bucket to bring back some fruit.

    As he neared the pool, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young chicks skinny-dipping in his pool. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

    One of the young women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

    The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pool naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

    Some old men can still think fast.
    Sound Unsound is a music forum for Unsigned Artists, Dj's and Producers
    Others: PDA and Smartphone guide | What task will you do for cheap? | Crazy Links 4 Free

  7. #7 Best site of jokes lol. Found it on the internet, try it, will keep you busy

  8. #8

    Why Does the Hare hate the Bear?

    A bear and a hare are taking a dump in the woods.

    The bear turns to the hare and asks, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

    The hare says, "No, of course not!"

    So the bear picks up the hare and wipes his ass
    Sound Unsound is a music forum for Unsigned Artists, Dj's and Producers
    Others: PDA and Smartphone guide | What task will you do for cheap? | Crazy Links 4 Free

  9. #9
    that was hilarious
    we need more of such kind here
    never thought you for a humorous guy admin

  10. #10

    Nudist Colony favorites

    Q: Who is the most popular bloke at the nudist colony?

    A: He's the one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
    Q: Who is the most popular chick at the nudist colony?

    A: She is the one who can eat the very last donut!
    Sound Unsound is a music forum for Unsigned Artists, Dj's and Producers
    Others: PDA and Smartphone guide | What task will you do for cheap? | Crazy Links 4 Free

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