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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #1
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    Talking Joke of the day

    Laughter Is The Best Medicine,I am sure you have heard that expression before, just browse this thread if you need lots of laughs

  2. #2
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    Dangerous parrot

    A woman's dishwasher had stopped working, so she called a repairman.

    He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment, and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!"

    When the repairman arrived at her apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen. Like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with its incessant squawking and talking.

    Finally the repairman couldn't stand the parrot's talking any longer and he told the bird to be quiet.

    The parrot replied, "Get him, Brutus!"

  3. #3
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    Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences.

    The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins"

    "That’s funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets"

    The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!"

    When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!

  4. #4
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    You could also browse this thread for lots of laughs where already a lot of jokes has been posted. Here it is:-
    http://www.netbuilders.org/entertain...okes-1340.html

    Quote Originally Posted by DotComBum View Post
    Laughter Is The Best Medicine,I am sure you have heard that expression before, just browse this thread if you need lots of laughs

  5. #5
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    Mr. S told his servant: Go and water the plants.

    Servant: It's already raining.

    Mr. S: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

  6. #6
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    A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally, conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”

    The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earring.”

    “Don’t make a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.

    His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”

    “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

  7. #7
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    Chuck Norris Facts

    Chuck Norris doesn't wear superman pajamas superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares them down till he gets the inforfmation out of them

    Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

    When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

    If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

    Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

    There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ Beard. There is only another fist.

    Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

    The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.

    Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

    Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting…. CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.

    Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.





  8. #8

  9. MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU


    Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.


    Please select from the following options menu:


    If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.


    If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.


    If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.


    If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.


    If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.


    If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.


    If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.


    If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.


    If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.


    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.


    If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.


    If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.


    If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.


    This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.


    (Well, my job is done …..Your turn!)

  10. #10
    Gloson Blog - How-tos, tips, and more!
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    Twitter - @Gloson

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